Alcohol abuse, kidnappings, and skeletons. Nah, it's not a new Netflix documentary. It's a bunch of football stuff from the past seven days 'cos this sport is glorious, intense and absolutely batshit crazy most of the time. Here are 10 things you might have missed this week…
All Aboard The Fun Bus – Nah it's alright. He's not been drinking, he's only had a coke...
Cham-Pain – Please celebrate responsibly. And if you can't, make sure it's being filmed so we can use it next week.
Drinking Problem – It's a long trip back up north, wallowing in self pity with your clothes reeking of beer. Pretty standard trip to the capital for Sunderland fans then.
Cornered – If we told you a corner went straight out for throw in, you'd assume it was massively overhit wouldn't you? Not this one.
Selfie-Conscious – Youssoufia Berrechid player Mohammed El Fakih scored the opener in their game against Mouloudia Oujda. But, because this is modern football and it's weird he decided it need a Mario Balotelli style selfie celebration with all his teammates. However, the ref didn't seem too keen and allowed the opposition to restart the game, from which they instantly won a penalty and scored. The game ended 1-1. No footage of the selfie ever emerged. Just run to the corner with your arm raised mate, yeah?
White Hart Pain – OK, so we've used the 'pain' pun twice this week. But it seems apt when Gooners are only too quick to bring Spurs fans back down to Earth after the opening of their new stadium.
Get To The Chopper – Ignazio Barbagallo of Sicilian team City of Viagrande staged the most elaborate bow-out in the history of football as he was 'kidnapped' midway through his side's game against the Nebrodi in the Catanese Third Category championship. His side were slapped with a €200 fine and they've been suspended from competing until 31 May for breaking the rules, namely “causing the interruption of the game by pre-ordering and allowing the landing of a helicopter on the pitch compromising the safety of those present.” What have you just watched?
Sticky Situation – Graeme Souness still wouldn't be impressed.
Gurn Up The Volume – Why can't you stop watching this?
Only In South America – Argentine side Racing Club captured the league championship this weekend and the celebrations were a little... crazy. The peak of the madness had to be Gabriel Aranda, who brought along the skull of his grandfather, Valentín. Aranda said in an interview that the skull is a good luck charm, which he takes out of its tomb for every Racing game. Okay mate.
Football, funny old game init?
