Here are 10 more reason why this game is mental. Including textbook Mick McCarthy, one of the most disgusting nutmegs of all time, and Oliver Kahn & Diego Costa in a bastard-off. All in a week's work...
Bottoms Up – Nine nil down and their centre half scores with his arse to make it ten. Fun this football lark init?
Making A Good Impression – First session, keep it simple. Don't do anything embarrassing.
Taking The Mick – Never change, Mick. You could be stood on the North Pole, but you'll still only be the second most northern man in the world after our Mick.
Pat-Man – Weirdly accurate.
Away! – "Yeah, I bent one in from 25 yards."
Cut-Off – Would you watch it if he released his own series on Channel 5? You'd hate it, but for some reason you wouldn't be able to turn it off.
Bird Watching – And the winner of the best bird-related-Champions-League-banner goes to...
You Don't Mess With The King – That fool better have come back and apologised to Totti after his act of impudence. The only thing more disrespectful you can do around Rome is break into St. Peter's Basilica and take a sh*t on the cathedral floor. Treason of the highest order.
Dad Dance – Pep Guardiola is everything we want to be. His talent, his knowledge, his confidence in any situation. Do we love him? No, you do.
Meg Nuts – Filth. Absolute filth.
The Lord Of Bastardry – No one is safe from Diego Costa's absolute bastardry... it warms the heart that if the kid did it back he'd get laid out, there and then.
Kahn't Score – Was it the saving of penalties he enjoyed more, or making kids cry? Screaming in each child's face with a fist clenched in anger, red in the face with pure adrenaline-fuelled rage, counting each tear running down their petrified faces as tiny trophies. Any adult who doesn't deliberately dive the wrong way in a static motion when facing a child in a shootout is a psychopath in our book. Who invited the world's angriest man to a kids' fundraiser anyway?
And that's that. Have a good weekend. See if you can score with your arse, yeah?
