Ready for a bunch of random stuff that's happened over the past seven days in football? Take a break from reading the same gossip columns linking your club with absolutely nobody, and find out what Nicola Sturgeon would look like with Eddie Howe's hair instead. Let's go...
A bit of R&R – Looks like Juve have bagged themselves a couple of poster boys.
Bantz & Dec – When your mum turns the kitchen tap on when you're in the shower.
Slide Away – Epping FC are winning pre-season. Bleep test? Nah, you're alright.
Trim When You're Winning – Un-bear-able.
Must Follow – Behold the niche football Twitter account you never knew you needed.
Poetic – On the subject of niche football Twitter accounts, why did this one ever stop? Made up of 40% Leeds fans, and 100% of bastard haters.
Flying – If we were to be tackled by a bird, we'd pick a heron, a flamingo, or Karlie Kloss. A leggy one. Not a pigeon. Pigeons are the League Two of footballing birds.
Italian Job – With all the enthusiasm of an Italian complaining about the lack of parmesan on his spag bol.
I Am Irba – Kitman. Shitting himself. Not that it bothered Zlatan; he scored twice in a 2-0 win over Toronto.
Bamboozled – Forest Green Rovers have launched their 19/20 kits. The club, which serve exclusively vegan food on match days, have made the shirts from bamboo. Worth noting that those aren't real Zebra stripes.
That's 10 init? Have a good weekend...
